nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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