Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont even know how to be here
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
