the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
