You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
