is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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