i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
