He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
