it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
