Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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