I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
