GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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