it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
