she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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