guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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