Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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