we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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