She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
