Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize