that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
