what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
