We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
