im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
