i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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