apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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