I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
