so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
