after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
