if only i could text you this smell
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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