matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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