So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
