I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
