And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
