I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
