Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
