The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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