I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
