My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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