I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
