i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
