I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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