yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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