I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
