Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
