Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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