I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
