Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
