I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
