I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
