I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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