What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
