I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
