Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize