Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
