We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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