problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
