ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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