I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
