just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
