dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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