I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
