Nicole vs. Life
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
