U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sext me about skeletons
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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